31 March 2006

really dead

its been three weeks now since horst died, and i realized i never wrote about it. today its been haunting me a little more than usual, because it was a friday on which he died, shortly after cafe chance- like today. horst is- was i mean- on of the junkies that i worked with. i met him a little over a year ago as i was standing behind the train station with another jesus freak and he and his brother took shelter with us from the rain. after that i started seeing them alot, at caffe chance and the street group when we met out on the river, and when i passed out soup. they always had a good jab or funny comment and were a riot to have around. he had just decided on a christian therepy program and was all set to go.. he told us he just wants "one last run" before he goes.. on the same night he told us that, he died. it times like that that are really hard to pass over- the "ifs" and "whys" that invariably come, and the questions we will never have answered.. like how far had he gone with God.. had he made the choice? we dont know. he was reading the new testiment and seriously interested, but none of us had led him in prayer yet, and he hadnt told us of praying on his own.. horst leaves behind a brother (who was his roommate and best friend) and sister, both mid-forties, junkies, and living in bremen.


At 02:08, Blogger Kelly said...

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At 02:11, Blogger Kelly said...

I'm suprised you never mentioned it. Not even elsewhere. I know a lot of people who would tell you right now, "Oh don't worry. He's ok." But, you are right, and we don't know. We can't know until we are in Heaven ourselves. There's no amount of consolation that can change that fact.

Horst is the reason people like you are out there on the mission field. So that there will be less and less for whom we say, "I don't know", and more and more for whom we can rejoice that they have gone to their King. Remember though: Ultimately, it is not a failure for you if he did not make it, but a failure for him. The Holy Spirit calls us, and we have to answer it or face the consequences.

At 08:19, Anonymous Anonymous said...

true that Kelly. -grant


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