14 May 2006

dreams and reality

a few nights ago i had a crazy dream that i was talking to axel (another volunteer in the offenbar) about love. i told him in the dream, that love is a choice, and that you can choose to love someone whether you feel it in your heart or not, and the decision will change the way you feel about the person for real. that the main thing is that you are truly open to loving them. axel disagreed and said we should test the theory. he would decide to love me and i should agree to decide the same thing. (note: there are two ways to say love in german, one is "liebe", which is like our word for love, and the other is "lieb haben" which is a non-romantic form. this agreement in the dream used the second form)

last night i dreamt that someone i don't know came up to lilly and i and said "didnt you dream something krass specific recently?" and i said yes, and lilly added that i had told her the dream (i really had, too). then the person said "i should tell you that your dreams are from God."

ok, so i know some of you dont believe that God still speaks to us, or that prophetic words still occur. i do. and i think it is amazing how God prepares us for situations sometimes.

yesturday was a really hard day.. i was supposed to meet axel to get the paint for my room, but he suddenly decided he couldnt help me, although it had been his idea (he is a master painter). then he even yelled at me about it, and not just a little. several times throughout the day... i dont really want to go into the whole story now, because it was quite unpleasant and i am still trying to get over it.... but throughout the day i kept remembering my dream and reminding myself that although it is hard right now, i need to decide to love axel. i am still hurt, and the wounds might take some time to heal, but i notice that this decision really has worked its way into my heart, and i am mad at the situation, but not at axel. i still think he is one terribly cool guy and am glad that we are friends.


At 11:09, Blogger Kelly said...

I mostly agree with you here. I don't think love itself is a choice, but that we choose to love or not to love. I think that, if we choose to love, we can stick with that choice in spite of anything that would change it. I think so many people get hurt in relationships when one person chooses to stick with that choice more than the other one does, and then the other one leaves.

The question I would ask then is this :
Is it love that fuels the conviction that causes us to stick to our choices?
~ or ~
Is it a rock solid conviction that sustains our love for someone?

(I realize I might seem to be kind of leaving God out of this equation in a sense, but I think that He is the source of both our ability to love and our ability to be convicted in it...)

At 05:00, Blogger cate mcmillan said...

so basically, you are saying the same thing as me.. i was saying that the choice to love preceeds the love itself..
if the choice is based on emotion then it wont sustain itself when things get tough.

At 16:21, Blogger Kelly said...

well, emotion is more or less a reaction to something, I think. The way I feel when I love someone is a reaction to that love. That feeling is not love itself. If you decide that everytime you feel a similar reaction then that must mean you are "in love", then you might be shooting yourself in the foot. Emotion is a poor indicator of love.

At 16:23, Blogger Kelly said...

btw, 1913 Webster's dictionary says this about emotion :

Emotion E*mo"tion, n. L. emovere, emotum, to remove, shake,
stir up; e out + movere to move: cf. F. 'emotion. See
Move, and cf. Emmove.

A moving of the mind or soul; excitement of the feelings,
whether pleasing or painful; disturbance or agitation of mind
caused by a specific exciting cause and manifested by some
sensible effect on the body.


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