since there have recently been some people reading my blog who don't know me well or for long, i have to explain this story.
in the summer of 2007 i was at a christian festival as a drug counsellor... there a freak accident happened, and i ended up spending the next 13 months on crutches. basically it was some very bad hyperextended ligaments and a break they missed on the xrays for a year.the pain never went away. i had "good days" and even weeks (meaning the pain was at a noticable but mostly tollerable level) and "bad days" or weeks, where the pain was so bad that i couldn't think of much else... this has gone on since. sometimes, i'd go too far on a good day, and it would turn into bad weeks.. bad enough to have to grab the crutches again for a month or so. the last month i spent on crutches was october 2009.
let me define "too much" (i am going somewhere with this and find the detail relevant.. if you don't, feel free to skip a paragraph or two) i couldn't stand for more than a few minutes at a time. walking was better, i could usually manage about 5-10 minutes. sitting was ok, as long as my foot was elevated and i wasn't wearing a shoe to weigh on the ligaments. laying down was also good, if i had a down blanket balled up at the end of the bed to support the ankle and was careful when turning over to lay it back in a stable position. i am not talking about "at first" but rather the on-going conditions. i would wake up on average five times a night from pain. every night. movement was a generally bad idea.. flexing, rolling, toe wiggling.. all hurt to do still.
before the accident my daily routine consisted of me walking all over town and talking/praying with the homeless and drug addicts. i was on my feet about 6 hours at a time. (ok, less in summer.. we could sit..) after the accident i had to stay at home and have people come to me. you never really notice how MUCH a foot is worth. what are you doing with your feet right now? i bet a week ago, it would of meant pain for me.
some time ago i was given a donation anonomosly for my foot. i thought and prayed about it.. it wasn't enough to pay the physicle therepy i needed. but i had this idea to get a paraffin wax bath. the idea wouldn't leave me alone, so i searched ebay and spent a few weeks trying to win a cheap one. it got here last thursday and i plugged it in. my expectations were that it might feel good to use it. that it might even feel better for a few hours after. that if the wax melts fast enough, it might be something i could do at night before bed, or in the morning when its so stiff. maybe just a little break...
it felt good. i like the heat. and the dull throb wasn't there when i finished. i felt great. better than expected- way better. i starting telling my flatmate about it before i'd even gotten the oily stuff washed off my foot. then we headed out of the house, and i grabbed my bike... and as i rode i noticed i had the full normal range of motion in my foot when peddeling (usually i flat-footed it) i started discribing it to my flatmate and insisting she should watch me peddle. we were at a friend's art show and after talking to him about each piece, i told him how long we'd been standing already with a huge smile on my face, asking if he can believe it?! later that day i was at steiger and went from one room to the next and back again telling everyone the surprising effects of the wax. and then later, when i met a group of virtual strangers for sushi, i somehow managed to turn the conversation on to wax again. and so on.. i'm afraid to say, i got MORE obnoxious, not less.. every hour, every day. friday to my boyfriend, saturday at a birthday party, sunday at church... the more i noticed i could do without the pain returning, the more i had to tell people about. and i am still doing things, just because i can.. and telling about it... just because i can.
I HAVE HAD NO PAIN SINCE 3PM THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you, paraffin wax! thank you donation! thank you Jesus!!!
and it's made me see a large portion of the Bible in a very clear way, very suddenly: the Gospels. we read the stories all the time of Jesus healing the sick woman/child/man who is blind-lame-possessed... and up till now i would read it and think "yeah, thats cool." (in a monotone) and now i read it and i think "OH YEAH!!!! BOO-YAAA!" because i can understand it from the perspective of the one being suddenly healed. especially the stories where the persons faith isn't mentioned.. i really feel like the one's who are kinda "oh well, tried everything else, might as well try some Jesus.. he might make me feel a bit better for a few hours." and then BAM- you can walk... run.. jump.. dance! (and yes, i have done all these and more in the few days) and it is LIFE CHANGING. nothing is the same. nothing could ever be the same, because now, NOW all those things that weren't doable ARE. all that pain is GONE. all the depression and feeling of inadaquacy and fear is GONE. all of the dependence on others to carry stuff or slow down or adapt to you nullified. suddenly, LIFE is easier.
so you want to scream it from the mountain tops... make an infomercial... tell all your friends, and their friends, and their friends friends.. about IT- the thing that changed your life. the thing that made you smile again. the thing that brought you back closer to your loved ones. the thing that you needed for so long and finally found... you want them to find it too.
that's what i hope my faith is. every day. not about paraffin wax baths (although please, if you have chronic pain, try it out!) but about JESUS. i hope that's the thing people remember about me after a day at the sushi circle or a visit to the museum or a conversation on the cold street corner. the way that knowing Jesus has impacted my life. because He has done a lot more than that paraffin wax bath has.. and look how much i had to say about
it.
